This week God has gently reminded me, once again, that He is in control and that He is God and I am not. I completed reading the profound autobiography of Stephen Curtis Chapman this week. In his book, Chapman writes very honestly about the pain and suffering that has taken place in his life. He speaks of heartache that was brought about by sin in his and others lives. But he also speaks candidly about the pain and suffering that took place because of unexplainable tragedy.
While reading this book I was brought to a great place of surrender, once again, as I was reminded that as Lottie was in the surgery room, essentially losing her ability to walk, God was not sitting idly by wishing he could do something different. He was not timidly wanting for his turn to intervene and it never came. Instead, God, the creator and sustainer of all life, was holding her hand and gently comforting her mind as she went through such trauma. He, the King of kings and Lord of lords, was carefully loving Gloria and I as we sat in the waiting room. God, the beginning and the end, was ushering us in to an entirely new way of feeling His presence.
I will say, honestly, that I would have rather not known this sort of pain. More than that, I would rather my wife and my child not have this sort of pain. But nonetheless, if we are going to feel this sort of loss, I am eternally grateful that we get to feel this sort of joy within the sorrow. That, somehow, we get to feel the comfort during the sadness.
A few days ago, we took Lottie to Birmingham to have a yearly checkup at a specialty clinic in which she saw 4 different specialists in a few short hours. During this visit, we were given the prognosis (that we expected) that the function Lottie has in her legs is likely to be as good as it gets. When we heard this news, I was amazed at how well we all seemed to take it. I guess we all already knew this to be the reality. I am very thankful that God provided us grace in being able to handle this truth with strength and perseverance in mind. Lottie will certainly continue to be the bravest girl I know and will undoubtedly demonstrate tenacity at its best as she conquers the wheelchair and any other scenarios life throws her way.
However, I began to feel a little sad. You see, I know that there have been people all around the world (literally) praying for healing in Lottie’s legs. I so wanted Lottie to be a demonstration of the faithfulness of God in hearing His people cry out for healing. But, throughout this week, as I spent some time alone with God, and as I read the autobiography it was as though God was saying to me, “I am displaying my faithfulness as I hear my people cry out on your behalf. I’m just not doing it the way you want, in the time you want.” So, with that truth in mind, I am resting in His sovereign hand to perfectly control what is best for Lottie and Gloria and myself and my other kids. I am more confident than I have ever been that God is using and will use Lottie and her story to be a constant and consistent display of the faithfulness of God.
Pray that God receives great glory as His faithfulness is shown. Pray that Lottie sees the hand of God in her life. Pray that Gloria and I cling to these truths as we march through new territory each day. Pray for Abigail and Luke as they take care and protect each other during this time. Praise God for His richest blessings, knowing that every good and perfect gift is from Him!