Gifts!

Gifts are something everyone likes…at least a little.  However, some people actually feel most loved when you give them something.  Take heart though, it’s not always expensive gifts that make the difference.  Here are 10 ways you can show your spouse that you love them with a gift.

  1. Candy – Make sure you learn his/her favorite and pick it up next time you go to the grocery.
  2. Magazine – Maybe there is a magazine that he/she doesn’t have a subscription to that you could easily pick up on your way home.
  3. Movie – This is a good idea if you are a person who feels most loved when spending time with your spouse (its a win/win).
  4. Ice Cream – While gifts aren’t my love language Ice cream probably is.
  5. Flowers – More ideal from Husband to wife but an easy win nonetheless (tip: grocery stores often times have inexpensive flowers that allow you to do this more often).
  6. Jewelry – Obviously this one can be expensive so you may want to only do this for special occasions and feel free to save up for a long time if necessary.
  7. Hobby items – Does your spouse run? Hike? Hunt? Sew? Whatever his/her hobby is get something that will help him/her do it.
  8. Music – CD’s or iTunes gift cards is a way to help them enjoy the pleasure of good music.
  9. Books – Maybe your spouse likes to read – help them do this.
  10. Make something – Use your time to help them see how much you care by making a card, building something, sewing something, or simply writing a note.

Time is ticking away

“I’ve had the time of my life.”  “Time is ticking away.”  Time flies when you’re having fun.”

These are some pretty common phrases.  For some people all they really want from you is your time.  And the truth is, sometimes, that is the hardest thing for you to give.

If your spouse is one who wants your time more than flowers, candy, or other gifts, than here are 10 ways you can uniquely give her just that.

  1. Go on a walk.
  2. Go to dinner at a quiet restaurant so that you can talk.
  3. Turn off your phone.
  4. Rent a movie to watch after the kids go to bed.
  5. Go on a picnic.
  6.  Go on a hike.
  7. Play a game.
  8. Go get a cup of coffee.
  9. Go for a drive.
  10. Go get ice cream.

What do you do when there’s nothing you can do?

I like to think I solve problems.  I am one of those guys who likes to have definitive answers and likes to be able to help people figure out what the best next step is.  In my work, I am often the guy who makes decisions and keeps us moving in the direction our pastor sees best.  In our home, my wife keeps us from falling of track but she certainly trusts me to drive the train.  Even amongst friends, I find myself making decisions and moving forward.  But what do you do when you aren’t the one in charge?  What do you do when you aren’t the one who gets to make the decision?  What do you do when something is happening to you or the ones you love and you can’t fix it, solve it, or do something to make it get better?

This past Friday my youngest daughter, Lottie, had an 3.5 hour back surgery.  If you know us very well, you know that Lottie has Spina Bifida and therefore is quite used to surgeries these days.  However, this surgery was both very exciting and very extensive.  She had new magnetic rods screwed into her back.  As you can imagine, this has been pretty uncomfortable for her.  The surgery ended up becoming more complicated than originally thought and the surgeon had to do some other movements that caused the surgery to last longer and increased her neurological deficits in her legs.

So, what am I supposed to do?  When my child is hurting and my first inclination is to try and fix or solve or decide but the reality is…I can’t do anything.  There is nothing I can do to solve this.

It is during times like these that I am thankful that I know the only one who can do something.  I know the one true God.  I know that He is a far better Father than I am and a much better physician than any of the myriad of highly skilled, wonderful, doctors that have been caring for Lottie.  I know the King of kings and Lord of lords and I know that He is doing what is best for our good and His glory.

Here are the three things that I have found I can do when there is nothing I can do.

  1. I can PAUSE. I can stop, take a break, and realize that I am never really in control anyway, so pausing allows me to remember this reality and wait on God to move in the way He sees fit.
  2. I can REST. Since I have paused I am able to find myself resting in the perfect plan of a perfect God.  I am able to trust that what the Lord wants is what is best and so I don’t have to solve anything – because He is solving it.
  3. I can PRAY. Many times we take this one for granted.  We feel like this one is too small, or not even worth counting.  However, prayer is not only acknowledging God’s sovereign control over it all but it proves to be a consistent reminder to us as the communicator that we are pausing and resting in the only one who is worthy.

 

So, I guess, there’s never nothing I can do!

Love and Chick-fil-A

Chick-Fil-A is got to be the best chicken sandwiches ever made.  Their nuggets are good too by the way.  In fact, it seems like they are just the best at all they do.  But you know what I think makes people want to keep coming back…their service.  Not only do they have cheerios for the kids, all the supplies you need to have a meal with your kids, and even extra diapers in the bathrooms…every single time the employees interact with the customers it is their pleasure to serve you.  They tell you too…”My pleasure,” they say.

The way I am delighted at Chick-Fil-A is the way many spouses are when someone serves them with such a positive attitude.  For some spouses, they do not want or need gifts, they aren’t really even that interested in you telling them how much you love them…what they want is for you to show it with your servanthood and your attitude.  As we wrap up this little series on ways to love your spouse here is a list of 10 ways that you can demonstrate love to your spouse who is most loved by your acts of service.

  1. Wash their car.
  2. Prepare a meal.
  3. Clean the house.
  4. Change the oil (Or pay someone else to).
  5. Tackle that honey-do list.
  6. Iron their clothes.
  7. Wash a load of laundry (don’t shrink or make pink).
  8. Clean the bathrooms.
  9. Vacuum the carpet.
  10. Mow the lawn.

Of course for these to be most effective, we need to remember that it is not our duty that drives us but our delight.  It’s “my pleasure” to serve.

Giving someone an ear full

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  Yeah right.  Words hurt bad.  But as bad as they can hurt, they can also uplift and build up all the more.  For some people the words you say to them are the most significant way you display how you feel about them.

Gary Chapman describes this love language as “Words of Affirmation.”  As we continue to approach this Valentines Day here is a list of 10 ways you can show your spouse you love them if Words of Affirmation are what speak to his/her heart the most.

  1. Write her a note – Handwritten note, not just store bought
  2. Text – A quick text that is checking in or simply says “I love you.”
  3. Call – Similar to texting him/her, take time to make a quick call to check on him/her day.
  4. Thank you – When he/she does a small task that seems mundane and regular express how grateful you are for him/her.
  5. Celebrate – Publicly brag on him/her (this does not always have to be in his/her presence – things have a way of getting back to his/her).
  6. Hallmark – Use store bought cards some too, sometimes they say what you wanted to say just better.
  7. Sticky note – Before you leave the house place a quick note of “I love you” or “You are beautiful” can go a long way.
  8. Write a poem – You may think you are not good at this but try.  Make an acrostic of his/her name or write a word that describes him/her for every word of the alphabet.
  9. Speak tenderly – Guys, we can be harsh without even meaning to.  So, speak with a gentle voice.
  10. Say I LOVE YOU – Don’t let a day go by without him/her hearing you say those words.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains that not everyone feels loved in the same way.  Therefore, it is important to know your spouse and understand what makes them feel loved the most.  Many times they feel loved in different ways but some just speak to them more intimately.

One of those ways is through physical touch, so, if physical touch is your spouse’s love language here are 10 ways to show your spouse you love him/her through physical touch.

  1. Hold hands – Do this in public, when you walk through the parking lot, when you pray, and when you sit in the movie theater.
  2. Kiss – Everyday when you leave for work and for when you arrive home greet each other with a kiss.
  3. Hold him/her – When you are in the bed at night simply lean over and hold (it doesn’t have to be a long time – just hold).
  4. Dance – Sometimes this can be silly in the living room type dancing but just grabbing hands and getting them up and moving is part of physical touch.
  5. Gently scratch his/her back – Just simply scratch/rub his/her back (this is different from massage).
  6. Give him/her a massage – You may not be good at this but you will learn in time (tips: lotion and take your time)
  7. Hug – Along with that everyday kiss, add a hug in there too
  8. Sit next to each other on the couch – This is especially important if your seat is the recliner (you don’t have to do this everyday, just take the initiative to do this periodically).
  9. Place your hand on the small of his/her back – You can do this in public as you stand and talk with others or it can be a gentle brush of your hand as you pass through the kitchen.
  10. Have Sex – Remember this is not all about you (your body belongs to your spouse).

Should you ask Jesus in your heart?

I remember very distinctly as a young child believing that Jesus was in charge, trusting that Jesus was (and would always be Lord), and I remember being very emphatic that my friends needed to ask Jesus in their hearts.  However, I also remember, every time that I shared the gospel with someone and asked them if they would be willing to ask Jesus in their heart I had to explain to them what that meant.  I had to explain that it did NOT mean that a little Jesus was actually moving into the heart in their chest.  I had to explain that it did NOT mean that Jesus would only be in their heart and not still available to everyone.  I had to explain these things because this phrase does not make much sense.

Now, years later, as I serve as a pastor, I am reminded that the phrases we choose are extremely important.  I am regularly wanting for the descriptions I give to be easiest to understand, whether I am speaking with a 7 year old child or a 70 year old adult, I want them to comprehend what the Scripture is calling us to do.  In fact, keep in mind that there are perfectly understandable phrases that are marked out in Scripture and those are the ones I try to stick with.

  • Confess Jesus as Lord (Romans 10)
  • Believe that God raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 10)
  • Repent of your sin (Acts 2)
  • Follow Jesus (Luke 9:23)

These are the phrases that are not only more meaningful because they are found in God’s Word but they are also more beneficial because they are easier to comprehend.

So, instead of asking Jesus in your heart…confess, believe, repent, follow!

Dear Mr. Obama

Dear Mr. Obama,

Thank you for serving our country as President over these last 8 years.  You have sacrificed time and energy to fulfill this incredibly significant position in our government.  Today is the day that you officially pass the torch to another leader.  I am sure that it is a bitter-sweet moment but hopefully it is one that you can cherish as you move forward to the next stage of service and activity.

As with some other people, I did not agree with all of your stances on issues, however, I am thankful for your consistent leadership and I can appreciate that you were willing to stand for what you believe to be best.

My convictions are based on the biblical principle that we, as Christians, are called to pray for our governing authorities.  Let me assure you that I have not only prayed for you regularly, but I have also, lead others to pray for you as well.  As a pastor in a congregation here in Mississippi I have regularly called on our congregation to lift up those in our government.  We have asked the Lord to grant you wisdom and discernment as you have had countless decisions to make.

Not only have we prayed for the decisions you have made on behalf of our nation, but I have personally prayed for you to make a decision of salvation.  I am not sure if you have or not, however, if you have not I want to urge you to call out to the Lord turning away from any and all sin in your life and asking God for forgiveness.  If you have made that decision than I simply want to rejoice with you as my brother and encourage you to seek the Lord through His Scripture to know Him more intimately each day.

In the days ahead, know that I will continue to pray for you consistently and lift you and your family up to the Lord.  May God bless you as He has so faithfully blessed our great nation.

Be Joyful,

Chad Hunsberger

The Art of the Hand-Written Note

From the time I was a little kid and even now; I have always loved getting mail.  Not junk mail, not bills, not magazines, but REAL MAIL.  You know the kind.  The kind where someone took the time to hand-write (not type) a thoughtful word of encouragement.  The kind that was important enough to not just be 140 characters of a tweet, or an email.  The kind that is significant enough to put pen to paper.

I found in my life and in my ministry that these “real” letters are both extremely encouraging and especially meaningful to those who receive them.  So here are 5 thoughts for how you can master the art of a hand-written note.

  1. Get your own stationary – This does not have to be highly expensive but gives a distinguished purpose.  Also, if you have the stationary, you are more likely to use it.
  2. Have stamps on hand – Be ready to write a note and send it at any time.
  3. Thank randomly – You do not have to only write a thank you note for specific needs being met.  Instead, say thank you for being my friend, or simply thank you for being you, etc.
  4. Short and Sweet – Your notes do not have to be long.  In fact, your stationary might serve you better if it is small.
  5. Scripture – Any time that you can add a passage of Scripture to your thoughts regarding this person it takes it to the next level.

Think now of you can write to offer a kind word of encouragement.

Resolutions

Resolutions come in all shapes and sizes.  Some of us hope to lose weight or gain muscle.  Some of us want to read more, pray more, serve more or just do more.  But regardless of what you might choose to do this new year take a look at these significant resolutions from Jonathan Edwards.  Over 200 years ago he penned these resolutions as a way to keep his heart and mind focused on the right things.  Here is what he said:

Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God’s help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ’s sake.

Remember to read over these Resolutions once a week.

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God’s glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriads of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty, and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever.

2. Resolved, to be continually endeavoring to find out some new invention and contrivance to promote the forementioned things.
3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.
4. Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God; nor be, nor suffer it, if I can avoid it.
5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.
6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.
7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.
8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God. July 30, 1723.
9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.
10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.
11. Resolved, when I think of any1 theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances don’t hinder.
12. Resolved, if I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.
13. Resolved, to be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality.
14. Resolved, never to do anything out of revenge.
15. Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger to irrational beings.
16. Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.
17. Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.
18. Resolved, to live so at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notions of things of the gospel, and another world.
19. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.
20. Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking.
21. Resolved, never to do anything, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.
22. Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself (as much happiness, in the other world,) as I possibly can, with all the power, might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.
23. Resolved, frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of God, and trace it back to the original intention, designs and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God’s glory, to repute it as a breach of the 4th Resolution.
24. Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.
25. Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.
26. Resolved, to cast away such things, as I find do abate my assurance.
27. Resolved, never willfully to omit anything, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.
28. Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.
29. Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.
30. Resolved, to strive to my utmost every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.
31. Resolved, never to say anything at all against anybody, but when it is perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the Golden Rule; often, when I have said anything against anyone, to bring it to, and try it strictly by the test of this Resolution.
32. Resolved, to be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that in Proverbs 20:6, “A faithful man who can find?” may not be partly fulfilled in me.
33. Resolved, always to do what I can towards making, maintaining and establishing peace, when it can be without over-balancing detriment in other respects. Dec. 26, 1722.
34. Resolved, in narrations never to speak anything but the pure and simple verity.
35. Resolved, whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question was resolved. Dec. 18, 1722.
36. Resolved, never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call for it. Dec. 19, 1722.
37. Resolved, to inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent, what sin I have committed, and wherein I have denied myself: also at the end of every week, month and year. Dec. 22 and 26, 1722.
38. Resolved, never to speak anything that is ridiculous, or matter of laughter on the Lord’s day. Sabbath evening, Dec. 23, 1722.
39. Resolved, never to do anything that I so much question the lawfulness of, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or no: except I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.
40. Resolved, to inquire every night, before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. Jan. 7, 1723.
41. Resolved, to ask myself at the end of every day, week, month and year, wherein I could possibly in any respect have done better. Jan. 11, 1723.
42. Resolved, frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism; which I solemnly renewed, when I was received into the communion of the church; and which I have solemnly re-made this 12th day of January, 1722.
43. Resolved, never henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were anyway my own, but entirely and altogether God’s, agreeable to what is to be found in Saturday, Jan. 12,1723.
44. Resolved, that no other end but religion, shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. Jan. 12, 1723.
45. Resolved, never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. Jan. 12 and 13, 1723.
46. Resolved, never to allow the least measure of any fretting uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eye: and to be especially careful of it, with respect to any of our family.
47. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good, and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peaceable, contented, easy, compassionate, generous, humble, meek, modest, submissive, obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable, even, patient, moderate, forgiving, sincere temper; and to do at all times what such a temper would lead me to. Examine strictly every week, whether I have done so. Sabbath morning, May 5, 1723.
48. Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or no; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.
49. Resolved, that this never shall be, if I can help it.
50. Resolved, I will act so as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.
51. Resolved, that I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.
52. I frequently hear persons in old age say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.
53. Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.
54. Whenever I hear anything spoken in commendation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, resolved to endeavor to imitate it. July 8, 1723.
55. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to act as I can think I should do, if I had already seen the happiness of heaven, and hell torments. July 8, 1723.
56. Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.
57. Resolved, when I fear misfortunes and adversities, to examine whether I have done my duty, and resolve to do it; and let it be just as providence orders it, I will as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty and my sin. June 9 and July 13, 1723.
58. Resolved, not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness and benignity. May 27 and July 13, 1723.
59. Resolved, when I am most conscious of provocations to ill-nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as would be imprudent at other times. May 12, July 11, and July 13.
60. Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4 and 13, 1723.
61. Resolved, that I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it–that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc. May 21 and July 13, 1723.
62. Resolved, never to do anything but duty; and then according to Ephesians 6:6-8, do it willingly and cheerfully “as unto the Lord, and not to man; knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the Lord.” June 25 and July 13, 1723.
63. On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: resolved, to act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. Jan. 14 and July 13, 1723.
64. Resolved, when I find those “groanings which cannot be uttered,” of which the Apostle speaks [Romans 8:26], and those “breakings of soul for the longing it hath,” of which the Psalmist speaks, Psalms 119:20, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be weary of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23 and Aug. 10, 1723.
65. Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and everything, and every circumstance; according to Dr. Manton’s 27th sermon on the 119th Psalm. July 26 and Aug. 10, 1723.
66. Resolved, that I will endeavor always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.
67. Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them, what good I have got by them, and what I might have got by them.
68. Resolved, to confess frankly to myself all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23 and Aug. 10, 1723.
69. Resolved, always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. Aug. 11, 1723.
70. Let there be something of benevolence, in all that I speak. Aug. 17, 1723.